Words from Kevin DeYoung in another excellent blog on 'Feeling Guilty' . It's a helpful blog because it addresses a very real issue for so many of us - labouring under a weight of expectation (often our own & sometimes other's) about the kind of Christians we feel we ought to be. I feel guilty because...
1. I don't feel I pray enough - I'm sure that's objectively true a lot of the time - but what is 'enough';
2. I don't feel I'm organised enough - there are 100 & 1 mini-projects, visits, books to read, etc etc - that I never seem to get around to. I can generally 'be on top of' 3 or 4 things at any one time - beyond that I'll be in 'shambling buffon' mode - which is unfortunate when you're supposed to be competently involved in about 20 different issues at any given point;
3. I don't feel inspirational or dynamic enough - in the world of Driscoll, Piper, Dever & Warren it's hard not to feel like a bumbling dullard;
4. I don't feel I'm networked enough - where to start? Where do people get the energy (never mind the hours) to do the basic job, pastor a wife & kids, fit in the hobby that well-balanced people are supposed to have!, and keep up with the 'movers & shakers';
5. I don't feel I'm evangelistic enough - Bible teachers are generally intimated by evangelists. Notions of parts of the body having equal honour go out the window here - evangelists 'do it', they are the 'real thing', their ministry area is the one that gets results! Nobody would dream of expressing disappointment or disapproval because a person gifted as an evangelist doesn't cut it as a preacher - but turn the tables!
I could go on (this is really just therapy for me but you get to look in). There is a tension of course - in many areas my old sinful nature does need 'a kicking' at times. 'Self-deprecation can be used as a smokescreen for negligence (e.g. we are called to do the 'work' of an evangelist whether we're good at it or not!). But nevertheless there is the reality that actually we will - in ourselves- never be good enough. Our contributions are not sufficient, our efforts not adequate, our abilities not requisite.
So we must first preach to ourselves what we preach to others - in Christ my sins are forgiven, my failures are compensated, and my deficiencies made up. My usefulness & value to God is not my output, organisation, ministry connections, or array of spiritual gifts - but in being identified with & dependent on Christ. It is both immensely humbling and incredibly liberating. It is grace.
As Tim Keller puts it:
When my own personal grasp of the gospel [grace] was very weak, my self-view swung wildly between two poles. When I was performing up to my standards – in academic work, professional achievement, or relationships – I felt confident but not humble. I was likely to be proud and unsympathetic to people. When I was not living up to standards, I felt humble but not confident, a failure. (The Reason for God, p180)
Only a tenacious hold on grace in our lives will allow us to be both humble and confident. When we grasp grace then we can start to live with the underlying emotion in our lives being gratitude rather than guilt.
2 comments:
Andy
I agree with De Young and what you say. I would query the way you put one point. You say:
- in Christ my sins are forgiven, my failures are compensated, and my deficiencies made up.
In one sense this is true. Certainly it is true my sins are forgiven. What I am less happy with is 'my failures are compensated and my deficiencies made up'. Loosely put I agree but I think when we understand more exactly what happens we have a better chance of fighting guilt. Paul's point is not that our failures are compensated and deficiencies made up but that the old person/the flesh is finished and dead. God does not see us in the flesh at all. He sees only the new man/the person in the Spirit who never sins. He sees new creation. He sees Christ and Christ living in me. He sees only perfection (see my blog on Balaam's prophesies).
While we are called to judge the flesh and put to death its draw, and confess and forsake sin when it erupts we are at the same time to constantly remind ourselves this is not the true person I am. I am a new person in Christ and I will rejoice in this.
I have tried to something about this in the comments on Kevin's blog.
Keep meaning to say I found this (and the link) a very helpful post. When you think of it, most of the things on your list (and probably most of our lists) are not moral failures at all.
Merely failure to be superman. But we're not asked to be superman.
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