What do you regularly pray about? What kind of ‘needs’ dominate your prayers? …In prayer, we tell God what we think we need. We ask for what we want.’ (Lane & Tripp, How People Change, p34)
As I reflected on this (yet another) searching question from Lane & Tripp – one prayer theme of mine came to mind: my many and constantly recurring prayers to have better relationships with people. You know, ‘help me to get on better with so & so’, ‘help me to be less testy in such & such situation’, ‘give me a less strained relationship with A,B,C…A1, A2, A3….AA1..’ – you get the idea. Good stuff, surely? Well, yes and no. Yes, in the sense that we should always be seeking to be humble, recognise our failings and seek unity and peace where possible.
But no – if my subtext is really just a plea for easier relationships with people – rather than ‘Christ-honouring’ ones.
Let me explain – people in church leadership can think that their ‘pastoral stock’ is measurable by how many people they are really friendly with – the idea being that ‘pastoral nirvana’ would equate to being everybody’s best friend. So the more people I have a cosy pally closeness to – the more I’m being a successful pastor. But the problem with such a view of pastoral ministry is that doesn’t face up to the reality that I and all around me are a bunch of sinners. Thus, this side of heaven, there will be tensions and differences between us – offences must come (Mt 18:7). Tensions and differences are caused by sinfulness - which is why there won’t be stress clinics in heaven. Now in the pusuit of ‘close warm relationships’ we could all just turn a blind eye to sinfulness – that is, never point out when people are out of line, never disagree with a bad idea, never say hard things to others even if they probably should be told, etc. We could all collude in a 'no questions asked' love-in. But it would hardly be Christ-honouring.
No, I’m afraid that if we are to be faithful to Christ and be people who model honesty and integrity – then tensions between us at times will be a fact of life. Sometimes a tough response will be needed, sometimes we will have to say ‘no’ or withdraw support. When we do so the reaction may be one of upset, awkwardness, and even hostility. In short we just won’t be able to be everyone’s pal and pastor with integrity.
Now of course we will need to be prepared to accept rebuke ourselves. We will have to examine very carefully our own sin-prone motives to check that we aren't masquarading pride as conviction. Nor does it mean that we can't have close friends with whom we can be ease – but even those relationships will feel the strain at times.
So rather than just praying for easier relationships we need to pray for Christ-honouring ones. Relationships that won’t always be the most comfortable but will be built on the desire to put Christ first.
Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiples kisses. (Proverbs 27:6).
As I reflected on this (yet another) searching question from Lane & Tripp – one prayer theme of mine came to mind: my many and constantly recurring prayers to have better relationships with people. You know, ‘help me to get on better with so & so’, ‘help me to be less testy in such & such situation’, ‘give me a less strained relationship with A,B,C…A1, A2, A3….AA1..’ – you get the idea. Good stuff, surely? Well, yes and no. Yes, in the sense that we should always be seeking to be humble, recognise our failings and seek unity and peace where possible.
But no – if my subtext is really just a plea for easier relationships with people – rather than ‘Christ-honouring’ ones.
Let me explain – people in church leadership can think that their ‘pastoral stock’ is measurable by how many people they are really friendly with – the idea being that ‘pastoral nirvana’ would equate to being everybody’s best friend. So the more people I have a cosy pally closeness to – the more I’m being a successful pastor. But the problem with such a view of pastoral ministry is that doesn’t face up to the reality that I and all around me are a bunch of sinners. Thus, this side of heaven, there will be tensions and differences between us – offences must come (Mt 18:7). Tensions and differences are caused by sinfulness - which is why there won’t be stress clinics in heaven. Now in the pusuit of ‘close warm relationships’ we could all just turn a blind eye to sinfulness – that is, never point out when people are out of line, never disagree with a bad idea, never say hard things to others even if they probably should be told, etc. We could all collude in a 'no questions asked' love-in. But it would hardly be Christ-honouring.
No, I’m afraid that if we are to be faithful to Christ and be people who model honesty and integrity – then tensions between us at times will be a fact of life. Sometimes a tough response will be needed, sometimes we will have to say ‘no’ or withdraw support. When we do so the reaction may be one of upset, awkwardness, and even hostility. In short we just won’t be able to be everyone’s pal and pastor with integrity.
Now of course we will need to be prepared to accept rebuke ourselves. We will have to examine very carefully our own sin-prone motives to check that we aren't masquarading pride as conviction. Nor does it mean that we can't have close friends with whom we can be ease – but even those relationships will feel the strain at times.
So rather than just praying for easier relationships we need to pray for Christ-honouring ones. Relationships that won’t always be the most comfortable but will be built on the desire to put Christ first.
Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiples kisses. (Proverbs 27:6).
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